 April is C-Section Awareness Month and Melanin and Motherhood is taking this month to celebrate the “C-Section Mommies” among us! I too am a “C-Section Mommy” and have the most beautiful scar to prove it! Every time I step out of my shower or in the process of getting dressed, when I see a reflection of that scar, I am reminded of one of the most special days of my life! Having experienced a high-risk pregnancy, resulting in preeclampsia, my c-section was certainly not planned, nor was my daughter’s arrival at 35 weeks and 5 days…. But when she arrived, she was PERFECT! The timing of the “Most High” is always ON TIME! Ten little fingers, ten little toes, all 4.1lbs of her was healthy! She spent a brief three days in the NICU, never requiring breathing assistance or additional medications. She came here strong. She came here a fighter! In fact, she was ready for discharge before I was! Did I mention she was PERFECT? As I mentioned before, it was not a planned c-section, nor how we “planned to deliver.” Even with the various health issues I was having, fibroids, high blood pressure, proteins in my urine etc., both my OB and my Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor expected I would have been able to deliver naturally. That rapidly changed, literally in a week’s time of manageable number of protein and relatively stable blood pressure to “okay, you will be delivering by c-section this evening.” Wait, what???? Admittedly I was scared, a c-section wasn’t what I wanted, nor anything I researched because it wasn’t my “birth plan.” But this was wayyyy bigger than my wants or my plans. This was a matter of life or death for me and my daughter! Fortunately, I was in the very capable hands of Dr. Patricia Stafford and one thing I knew for sure, with the utmost confidence, was to trust her judgement. I was truly blessed to have an OB that cared enough to tell you the truth, make the right call and also practiced authentic care and concern. From a healthcare quality and equity, I was received optimal care from my OB. So, with this abrupt “change in plans” I received quality care. While this was my experience, I know that there are other mothers who can relate to the good experience, however, unfortunately there are too many black mothers who cannot. As a patient-advocate and activist, I want the best experience and outcomes for all black mothers! Melanin and Motherhood fights for that. Motherhood is challenging enough and while we may not all share as candidly our pathways to delivery, for those who are in this elite club for reasons like mine, don’t let anyone judge the way you birthed your miracle! Whether you delivered vaginally or c-section, you brought new life into this world. You are a miracle worker. You are a MOTHER! Be proud of your scar, your sacrifice for the life you brought into this world. Your “battle scar” is a beautiful reflection of the magnificence of giving birth. #nolessofamother #mydeliverymatters #byanymeansnecessary #csection Yours truly in Melanin and Motherhood, Crystal 
1 Comment
 October is National Pregnancy and Loss Awareness month. A time for remembrance as we honor those have lost a child during pregnancy or lost a child in infancy.
While at least 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, large in-part, pregnancy loss is an unacknowledged risk for being a reproductive woman. Just as black women lead in maternal mortality rates, black women are at a particular risk for miscarriage when trying to have a child. It is an invisible trauma that too many women are left to heal both physically and emotionally in silence. The rates of every kind of pregnancy loss, including miscarriage, preterm birth, stillbirth and infant death, for black women are all significantly higher than any other racial group. In fact, the National Institute of Health have found that black women are twice as likely to suffer late pregnancy and loss. The risks are irrespective of social economic status or any identifying genetic factors that may explain the discrepancy. Basically, whether you are a highly educated and affluent black woman or a working-class black woman, your risks are equal. Pregnancy loss expert, Elizabeth Czukas speculates “The continuous, low-grade stress of racism may be the factor that unifies all African Americans, and may contribute to the increased risk of pregnancy loss.” The risk factors for black women and pregnancy and infant loss as well as other related factors that contribute to the disproportionate black maternal mortality are all of crisis level. To the mothers who loved (and absolutely still love) and lost as it relates to pregnancy loss and infant loss, you too are LOVED. Let us create more safe spaces that are for support and healing for our mothers who are grieving. We must acknowledge their pain and encourage them to look to a brighter day. Perhaps, for some that will be the “Rainbow Baby” in their future and for others it may just be a sense of complete healing. Whatever the case, please know there are other black mothers, black women, who sincerely care about you, validate your trauma and will support you through your grieving process. This is in reverence and remembrance for you! Until the next time... Be courageous, be encouraged, MELANIN AND MOTHERHOOD is here for you! Yours truly in Melanin and Motherhood, Crystal  Welcome to full time motherhood. Our daughter was born premature, late pre-term thirty-five weeks and five days. She was born at a low birth rate, less than the recommended minimum of five pounds, eight ounces. Inevitably, she was sent to the NICU shortly after birth due to her having low blood sugar, which was a result of her low birth rate.
Fortunately, within hours she was able to achieve and stabilize her sugar levels. Our daughter would only spend a total of three days in the NICU before being prepared for discharge. During our stay in the hospital I would repeatedly make visits to the NICU to spend time with my daughter. We would practice latching with her, have lots of “Kangaroo time,” (also known as skin to skin contact, where the diapered baby lays on the mother’s bare chest) and sometimes just watching our little princess sleep. Just by entering the NICU floor we immediately were overwhelmed with how fortunate we were, as many of the other little princesses and princes had far more challenges. Our daughter didn’t require breathing assistance, or the more critical care other preemies were receiving around her. We were and are indeed very, very grateful. According to the March of Dimes 1 in 10 babies are born prematurely and in New Jersey, the preterm birth rate among black women is 47% higher than the rate among all other women. The disparities in the premature birth rate within the black community in my “humble opinion” is an epidemic. What are the causes? How do we improve these statistics? Knowledge is power, and we need to make ourselves informed to do our part in finding solutions. My home state of New Jersey earned a “C” on the 2017 March of Dimes Premature Birth Report Card. Find out more about prematurity and information specific to your state by clicking on the link below: https://www.marchofdimes.org/mission/prematurity-reportcard.aspx World Prematurity Day is observed on November 17th, a day after my due date (go figure)! All in all, we have become a part of a very honorable group, “Parents of Preemies.” A “sacred society” in my view. We are proud members! Preemie Power!!! Yours on this journey, Crystal  The next morning, I awoke to order my breakfast and be ready to eat by the time the nurses came in with my medication (blood pressure, obviously lol). As me and my fiancé ate we talked about what the next few days or week could look like, while also making arrangements for managing our household with me in the hospital on bed rest until delivery. Shortly after breakfast, (like literally after my last bite) my OB, Dr. Stafford came in while doing her rounds to check on me. A side note is that, not only is she the BEST OB in the world, she speaks with a very soft and pleasant tone, which is something you can appreciate when you’re experiencing feelings of fear or uncertainty in a time such as this… Dr. Stafford came in, sat on the foot of the bed and said “Well, I see you’ve just finished your breakfast and that’s good, but now you are done eating ad drinking for the day as you will deliver THIS EVENING!” I don’t think my already big eyes could have gotten any bigger and as I turned to look at Marcus he looked the same way!! Here we are 35 weeks and 5 days and it’s “go time?” My doctor advised me that due to the instability of my blood pressure and the pre-eclampsia that I will deliver via C-section as inducing labor would be to risky for both the baby and I. The surgery time was set for 5:30pm. She also advised me that the second shot for the baby’s lungs will be given as soon as she leaves the room as opposed to the afternoon… Things got real REAL! We called our families to let them know TODAY is THE DAY. My mother and sister (who lives in Maryland by the way) made their ways to the hospital. My mother arrived late afternoon around 4:30 or so and my sister was there when I came out of delivery. As the morning turned to early afternoon, I became extremely nervous. While I knew I was in very competent hands, the complications throughout the pregnancy gave me pause about delivery. Let’s be real, I was SCARED. I don’t think that in all my life I had every felt so vulnerable and wanted anything more than a safe delivery of a healthy baby girl… As they wheeled me to the initial surgery prep, my love was by my side. However, they separated us briefly upon entrance to the operating room, so they can do the spinal tap and some other final preparations before we begin. Shortly thereafter we were reunited and it felt sooooo good! Official time in OR/beginning time was 6:01 pm. As the surgery began, Marcus immediately went into action as my protector, keeping me calm, through conversation and holding my hand. He did his best to distract me from what was taking place on the other side of the curtain, but if you know me well, you know I was still doing a little ear hustling as they operated on me. Well, at 6:11pm our baby girl let out the BEST CRY EVER to let us know she was here!!! When they held her up on the other side of the curtain the tears immediately began to flow!! We both made it through delivery and for that I was most thankful. Our baby girl was only 4lbs 1oz but was strong and HEALTHY, with the exception of having low blood sugar, as a preemie, she required nothing other than nourishment to stabilize her. Our daonly spent three days in the NICU and was ready for discharge before I was! She spent the last two days in my hospital room with us until I was ready for discharge. I had to stay a bit longer due to some lingering issues related to the pre-eclampsia but eventually I too stabilized and as a happy family we went home. We are the PROUD parents of a healthy, beautiful PREEEMIE and I wouldn’t have it any other way!!! Check out the link below to learn more about premature births and how they disproportionately affect women of color. In fact, 1 out of 9 babies is born prematurely in the United States and of the total number 20% are born to African American mothers. https://www.marchofdimes.org/chapterassets/files/AA_PTB_Report_FINAL(1).pdf Be courageous, be encouraged, MELANIN AND MOTHERHOOD is BLACK GIRL MAGIC PERSONIFIED! It’s been a while since my last blog, and with good reason…
After a very challenging pregnancy, high blood pressure, multiple trips to OB triage for monitoring, high-risk appointments, constant lab testing and fetal monitoring, I was diagnosed with super imposed pregnancy induced hypertension and preeclampsia. Less than one week after wrapping up the New Jersey NAACP State Conference Annual Convention, (of which I was the Chair) did I end up in the hospital after yet another extremely high blood pressure reading and the results from the labs taken earlier in the week monitoring levels for preeclampsia. It started as a usual morning, taking my blood pressure before getting out of bed and starting my day. Well, my pressure read 156/103 and all I did was wake up and sit up?! Of course, I knew the drill, call the doctor and likely go to OB triage for monitoring. I did just that, called the doctor’s office… After advising the APN of my pressure reading, I inquired if my labs results were in from the 24-hour test completed two days prior. She reviewed my chart and saw they had just come in… And the results were NOT good. My proteins had skyrocketed from 334 to 10,000!! She advised me to immediately take my blood pressure medicine and that she had to call my OB at the hospital to advise her of my results and call me back. Within ten minutes I received that call back from the APN directing me to the hospital ASAP. While she did not say, “It’s going to be showtime” when I get there, I had a feeling delivery was on the horizon. I immediately called my fiancé, mother and sister to advise of the newest development. My fiancé was at work an hour away and it was “go time!” Well, at least go to the hospital time, again. In true Crystal “fashion” I got worked up, calmed down, worked up and calmed down again before hopping in the car and driving myself to the hospital. LOL Upon arrival I was initially registered for triage monitoring, however that was incorrect, and the registrar called me back up to the window and informed me, that I was actually to be registered as a “direct admission.” WHAT??? Okay this is getting real, I thought to myself. My mother arrived at the hospital within twenty minutes of my arrival (I mean, I had to get it from somewhere right) and she was in go mode too! My fiancé wasn’t far behind, and I thankfully was surrounded by my labor and delivery support team pretty quickly. Medical staff began, prepping and probing shortly after telling me to settle in my room on the High-Risk Obstetrics floor. My doctor (by the way, Dr. Stafford is the BEST) came in to assess and advise me as to how we are going to proceed. First, she let me know that I am officially diagnosed with superimposed pregnancy induced hypertension and preeclampsia. I was also advised that I will not be going home between now and delivering my baby. She let me know that sometimes they try to go the route of bed rest in the hospital as long as it is safe for mother and child before delivery, and that whether that is a week or three weeks I am going to be here until it happens. Due to me being 35 weeks and 5 days the doctor wanted to ensure the maturity of the baby’s lungs prior to delivery and to do so I would receive a steroid shot in each cheek (buttocks), 24 hours apart to speed up her lung development. Yes, literally, I had to “turn the other cheek!” (Pun intended) This was necessary whether I was going to deliver in two days or even a week… I received my first shot and awaited my lab results from the collection drawn in the hospital. Check-in next week, to find out what happened next… Oh what a JOURNEY!!!!!!!!! Until next time... Be courageous, be encouraged, MELANIN AND MOTHERHOOD is BLACK GIRL MAGIC PERSONIFIED! Yours On This Journey, Crystal  What can I say?? Where do I begin?
I have waited my entire life for my baby shower!! Many times, I have fantasized as to what it would be like. What would be the theme? Who would be a part of putting it together (outside of my Mother and Sister of course)? Would we be celebrating a boy or girl? Having the father to-be there celebrating as a newly formed black family… And not to mention, what would I actually look like on that special day? Well to answer the last question, I think we both looked pretty, darn good! (LOL) All I can say is that our shower was EVERYTHING I have ever dreamed of and more!!!! I must thank my Mother, Sister and “Sisterfriends” for all that they put into planning such a wonderful event. From the time we walked into the celebration for our “little princess,” we were both swept off our feet. The decorations and layout were all so beautiful and cute, however, the instantaneous feeling of being surrounded in the love of our family and friends, truly “iced the cake!” Speaking of cake, not only was it fit for “royalty” it was equally as delicious! The catering was exquisite. My somewhat restored appetite and taste buds were delighted! The centerpieces absolutely represented ROYALTY!! Crowns, rhinestones, pearls and gold all about!!! Handmade TALENT at its best! I mean the room was decked out in pink and gold, and I couldn’t have asked for anything more! I would be remiss not to mention that the vendors selected by the planning committee were all BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES (with the exception of the Party City balloons lol)! #WEBUYBLACK Having my 90 year-old grandmother present at our shower was especially sentimental, because as this circle of life continues, three generations were gathered to celebrate the pending arrival of the fourth. We are indeed blessed! And by the way, the eldest attendee was older than 90!! Now that’s love!! Be it the oldest to the youngest guest and EVERYONE in between, your attendance was certainly appreciated. As a point of reflection, I remembered looking around the room and thinking about the ways the guests are linked to my/our lives. From the relationships of family, early childhood, high school, college and adult friendships, to the “aunts” that may not of blood relation (but blood couldn’t make them any more authentic as “aunts”) as family can be extended well outside of blood relation. Not to mention those who have mentored me professionally along the way, as they too now fall into the “family” category. You see, in short, they all have played a significant role in my life and I am so grateful to have them now, to be a part of this extraordinary time for us! I cannot close this message without sharing the love I have for my fiancé, father to-be, as having him by my side on our day of celebration represents all that is beautiful in black love. We truly aspire to cultivate the renaissance of the in-tact black family! Little Princess we are all ready for your arrival!!! Until next time... Be courageous, be encouraged, MELANIN AND MOTHERHOOD is BLACK GIRL MAGIC PERSONIFIED! Yours On This Journey, Crystal  Well, yet again the mean old serpent, also known as high blood pressure, reared its UGLY head while at a Maternal Fetal Medicine appointment yesterday. As a result, we landed in the OB Triage for a series of tests before adjusting my blood pressure medicine for what we hope to be a final time. I am pleased to share that lab work came back well, the necessary adjustments were made, and we were sent home!
As I am now in the third trimester, the finish line is within sight and that in itself is a reason to break out of the blood pressure blues. You see, this has been the biggest and most frequent hurdle on this journey and sometimes it has truly gotten the “best” of me. Most of us are aware that high blood pressure disproportionately affects the African American community, and for various reasons, i.e. heredity, dietary, etc. Having had high blood pressure prior to my pregnancy, automatically I was identified as “chronic hypertensive” during my pregnancy. A key difference though is that prior to my pregnancy, my pressure was at least fairly easily manageable. The difficulty with the proper regulation of my pressure not only made me frustrated and at times sad, it heavily impacted my new “motherly instinct,” the reality that the life I am carrying is first and foremost, and I could not let this affect my baby. Now we have been fortunate and our little one is thriving and well, but innately I always had concerns. I have since started to release those concerns with the support of my loving partner, family and friends. I am indeed fortunate. I would be remiss to neglect the fact that I have great healthcare providers as well… Combining them all, I have been fortunate to have a strong “village!” Prenatal care is a priority for me and I encourage the same for all women. Whether you are pregnant or not, self-preservation should always come first. You are no good for others if you are no good to YOURSELF! Take heed, never ignore symptoms and seek medical assistance when needed. There are plenty of people counting on you… Until next time... Be courageous, be encouraged, MELANIN AND MOTHERHOOD is BLACK GIRL MAGIC PERSONIFIED! Yours On This Journey, Crystal So, it’s week 27 and we are now entering the THIRD TRIMESTER!! While the game of NBA is played in four quarters, this championship game is won in just three!! Trust and believe I am ready for my championship ring!
The last few weeks have been filled with its share of physical changes, such as my growing “bump”, the increased need to properly manage my work-life balance, as well as some health challenges. But know that as we tend to do in Melanin and Motherhood, I made sure I rose to the occasion. As the reality set in that I am truly getting closer and closer to “Showtime," some other reality set in as well… For some, the all familiar anxiety. There’s no shame or reason to sugar coat the true feelings I started to experience. Point blank, period, anxiety is real! While it was less difficult to combat the other changes and challenges, this anxiety proved to be a little more difficult. I began to read various maternity blogs and publications and realized that not only was I not alone, but this can be common in pregnancy. From my difficulty with falling asleep (not just due to physical discomfort), to my EXTREMELY vivid dreams and last but certainly not least my fears of labor and delivery this all comes with the territory. Knowing the commonality alone, was very helpful in my coping and strategic in the management of my anxiety. As a means of restoration, I pushed myself to hit my stride professionally by effectively managing my work life balance. Persevered as an activist, by attending the organization in which I hold a leadership position, national conference, allowing me to become reinvigorated to continue to serve my community. As a therapeutic measure, I made sure I took time to incorporate my love of Salsa by attending my dance school’s Saturday night social. Wow, did I have a ball that night! And began to distinguish my fears from reality. Becoming a first - time mother, certainly comes with plenty of unknowns, but it is those unknows that at times may bond us and other times are what make our paths very different. This journey includes some “bumps,” (pun intended), scrapes and bruises but for me they are honorable sacrifices and the rewards are plentiful! Until the next time... Be courageous, be encouraged, MELANIN AND MOTHERHOOD is BLACK GIRL MAGIC PERSONIFIED! For more tips on managing anxiety during pregnancy, please click the link below! https://www.babycenter.com/0_managing-stress-and-anxiety-during-pregnancy_1683.bc Yours on this Journey, Crystal  After a long day at work, I returned home to find my man working hard in 90 degree heat! He rented a pick-up truck and brought home some new furniture earlier that day. Since we are preparing for baby, we're taking care of some much needed home improvement. As I approached the front door I was greeted with, "Well hello beautiful" as he continued to move heavy furniture about...
I instantly lit up, as he has a way of making me feel like a Queen no matter how I may be feeling in that moment. As I entered the home, I expressed how exhausted I was. He replied by saying, "I'm sorry to hear that you're exhausted, I kinda hoped you'd take the ride with me to return the truck." While I was tired, I instantly realized the importance of the little things, and that he was looking forward to us spending time together. With that realization, there was nothing more to say than, "Let's ride! " I grabbed my keys and followed him to the truck. As I approached the truck he asked me "Do you want to drive? " He knew I would say yes, as "pushin" this big ole pick-up truck would feed my driving alter ego! I hopped (well slowly climbed up) into the truck, put my shades on said, "You're riding with Bad Momma!" LOL! He held my hand as we drove off and even snapped a couple of pictures of me behind the wheel of the truck. He was quite tickled by my delight in handling the vehicle as "Bad Momma." In the midst of the trip, I forgot about my fatigue and got "lost in our quality time." It was not a big trip, vacation or even a "date night" of dinner and movie, it was simply the message of "I missed you today." "I'm glad you're home." "Let's spend some time together." As I am preparing for motherhood, I recognize that it is important to make time for the two of us. It's imperative that I am attentive to his needs and continue to magnify his significance in my life, even with a baby on the horizon. You see, he treats me as a Queen and so I reciprocate, treating him as a King! Trust me, the RETURN ON INVESTMENT ALWAYS MAKES IT WORTH IT! We believe that "Black Love" is INFINITE and are committed to strength of our "BLACK FAMILY!" This was a great day! Until next time... Be courageous, be encouraged, MELANIN AND MOTHERHOOD is BLACK GIRL MAGIC PERSONIFIED! Yours On This Journey, Crystal While on this journey I have experienced so many changes in my body, it is unbelievable! As I am sure we have all heard during maternity, that every pregnancy is different, yet there are several commonalities among us.
Rather early in my pregnancy, I would say in my second or third month, I noticed that rather than having this tremendous glow all the time, my skin was less than radiant… In fact, it was DRY!!! By the time noon came around I looked as if though I washed my face, showered and walked out of the house without applying any moisturizer, anywhere, in January! My regular lotion and facial moisturizer just was not cutting it. So, I went to a very natural source and began to use it from head to toe. Coconut Oil. I chose an organic coconut oil by Shea Moisture. At first, I had to get used to the extreme shine of my skin, but as time passed the coconut oil penetrated my dry skin and restored it a healthy level of moisture. I have also noticed that as my baby “bump” continues to grow, keeping it moisturized with the coconut oil has helped with my skin’s elasticity as it stretches. I went on to read about the various health benefits of coconut oil and intend to continue with the skincare regimen well past gestation. Here are a few health benefits of coconut oil:
What are some of your “go to” products for healthy skin? As they say, “Sharing is caring” and we would love to hear from you! Until next time… Be courageous, be encouraged, MELANIN AND MOTHERHOOD is BLACK GIRL MAGIC PERSONIFIED! Yours On This Journey, Crystal |
Crystal D. Charley-Sibley, MBAFounder of Melanin and Motherhood, Co-Founder of Queen Village LLC, is a community activist, women's empowerment speaker, a first-time mother, and wife, chronicling her journey of motherhood! 
Archives
April 2020
Categories |